On the note of work, I think I am gonna sound like an idiot yet again when I speak to Chief. I had to write him an email on Friday and I rushed it, not providing nearly enough information, so I could get out of work at the same time as everyone else. I should have stayed 10 minutes late and just wrote a decent email explaining the situation that will be resolved today at work.

Anyways, tonight I do not feel like making another long post so I will leave with this. Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.

Sleep well & be well,

-SDCALS

Well I’ll say this much, I am sleepless and I do live around Seattle so it’s not as strange as you might think. I hate this town though. Dark, looming clouds constantly pelt the ground with freezing rain only to break briefly, temporarily relieving us of this overcast existence. The people themselves remain cheery but statistics claim this area to be the suicide capital of the country. I neither care nor want to take the time to prove this but even if it’s not entirely true, few can claim this place is good for the soul. The summer months are wonderful. Beauty is everywhere. The sunshine is so relentless sometimes that one almost wishes for the fall and winter months only to remember the dreariness of it all.

Anyways, I’m awake late at night once again. For some it is already morning but for me I am just now contemplating how I will attempt to fall asleep. I have to be up at noon for an appointment in the afternoon which is plenty of sleep if I go to bed now but I still have this inability to get a good amount of sleep be it a wake up call at 5:30 or noon.

I want to be like Hank Moody. If you didn’t know, he is the main character of the Showtime show Californication. He is an womanizing asshole who doesn’t apologize and always speaks his mind. I want every part of that. I don’t want to be the nice guy who never has anything go for him. I don’t want to be stuck with the affection of an overweight and overbearing girl who is so starved for attention that she latches on to me despite my lack of interest. And yes, I do not want to be with a fat girl. There, I said it. No offense to any of you out there, many of you are wonderful people and a good deal of my female friends are overweight. However, I don’t find you sexually appealing in any way, shape, or form. I want a girl that works out, has a fantastic body and knows it. I want beautiful. I don’t just want to settle for cute. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder and my standards for beauty are different than most but I don’t think it is asking for too much to have the girl next door or a southern bell who looks amazing in a skirt. I’m shallow and horny on the outside like almost everyone else in the world. Inside however I just want to be with someone I love. However, if you can’t find a balance between the two in your relationships they are almost always doomed to failure.

I don’t know. Maybe I just need to give up on love, hell, on sex for a good amount of time. Apparently things just find their way to you when you stop looking. I doubt it but we’ll have to take a leap of faith in that regard.

Sleep well,

SDCALS

Yet another night where I lie awake. I feel the need to create an IV of Dr. Pepper, inject it directly into my body, and stay away constantly. I’ve heard though that they have developed a pill/operation (not too informed on the particulars) that can deprive the body of sleep except for an hour a day. If that were to occur I believe I would jump at the chance to get it. It’s not necessarily that I have so much to do in a given day but really that I just take so long to fall asleep and when I do it is either poor rest or too much rest. I have some sort of inability to function like a normal human being.

So work was fantastic this week. I’ll just toss this out there. I’m in the military so occasionally I have to stay on board my boat for 24 hours. Let me tell you, it is one of the most soul sucking events you could possibly attend and I willingly accepted it when I joined. It’s not even just a simple 4 hour watch and chill in front of a TV after that anymore. No, they want me to work from 0730-2200. I’m sorry but I am not only extremely lazy but also a bit of an asshole so I refuse to work that much unless I am paid extra. And thus I seem to find myself in trouble regularly.

On to another subject. I moved into a new place recently. I have 2 roommates who happened to be married. One is in the military with me, we’ll call him R, and the other is just a civilian girl, who we’ll refer to as J from now on. Well, R & J have been having some problems lately. Correction, they have been having problems for quite sometime. Married for a couple of years now, shortly after our previous deployment J got a good paying job. It was her first and with the money she made on top of what R makes from the military she still managed to get them into debt. Yes, she’s a bit of a spender. I love her, don’t get me wrong but she has got to be one of the most emotional people I have ever met. First she was sad and miserable for doing that to R. Then she was angry at him for giving her a limit on what she was allowed to spend every month. Now, she’s doing better in that regard but she’s fighting with him about some other random subject. I hate to see it happen but I don’t see myself having roommates this time next year. Unless something happens so that makes a dramatic change for the better they will most likely end up divorced. They already separated for a brief period so she could pursue her job.  I just don’t know what to do though. I want to help but it is just one of those situations where I think my existence serves the sole purpose of keeping people together. Seriously, I believe that if I were not in this house right now they would probably fight constantly over stupid stuff until finally both of them could no longer stand one another.

Alright, now onto our last subject. My love life happens to be the bane of my existence. I can’t find a girl that I want to date who would want to date me. Obviously the extreme shyness and inability to be confident in myself prevents finding those types of girls but I am seriously tired of only having big girls like me. No offense to those out there who have alittle more than a few extra pounds. Many of you are wonderful people but I have a solid and secure belief that attraction in the first few months of a relationship, and even throughout it, are key. Sex, love, attraction, stable income, etc. are all necessary things to have in a relationship for it to last a long time. Sadly, I can’t find anyone that meets my growing exceedingly higher standards. I am slightly interested in a girl I work with though, we’ll call her P. Well P and I get along pretty well but unfortunately she’s dating a guy who she is absolutely in love with. I’d love to find a reason to break it off but the nice guy in me would rather just see her happy.

Anyways, I am going to try and get some sleep. Typing all of the crap actually made me a little tired. Hope everyone has a good weekend if I don’t write for awhile again.

-SDCALS

So I’m not sure who reads this or what was going through my mind that led me to start making a blog but the more I think about it, the more I feel it would be a good way to express myself. The anonymity of the internet shields the person behind the page while still providing me with a venue to vent, express my opinion, or just make nonsensical posts about elephants or whatever.

So with any proper introductions, a name and a greeting are usually provided. You already received a greeting but you can call me SDCALS or Mark. I’m sure the latter will probably what I am referred to the most as but either will work equally well. Other than that, I will attempt to not give any distinguishing names or information that could possibly show up on a search when someone decides to Google themselves.

Now that we’re through with introductions, here’s what you should know about me. I’m a 22, almost 23 year old male who serves in the military where I not only do not belong but often find myself in complete disagreement with their position. I’m fairly intelligent I like to think but unfortunately about as lazy as they come. I only work hard on things I enjoy and even then, if they get difficult in any regard I usually just quick. I like to go the quickest way from point A to point B. Unfortunately, my friends often describe me as the guy that could leave point A with everyone else at the same time and somehow find point H. I’m random, fairly cheery, not necessarily happy, very lonely, and overall, just a curious human being.

I get along with everyone. Seriously, I get along with almost everyone. I’m nice to everyone I meet because I hate conflict and I am quick to do whatever is necessary to get someone I think should like me to do so. On the other hand, I also have a very accurate internal sensor that picks up on people worth my time. I can point out a douchebag from a mile away and I have never been wrong.

Get used to this as well but I also can’t really keep a line of thought going under normal circumstances for too long. I’m not sure if it is ADD/ADHD or I just get bored with/don’t believe the shit coming out of my brain. It’s bothersome and results in what can sometimes be confused with a stutter but almost always is recognized as a mutter. I mutter everywhere I go. I talk to myself almost as regularly as I talk to others.

I’m sleep deprived about 80-90% of the time you see me, usually carrying a soda/energy drink, and have never been in a relationship. Yes, I have had sex. In fact, I have had it more than most. I am just so absolutely terrified of concerning myself with someone else’s feelings regularly that I just can’t do it. Sadly, I don’t enjoy sex that much either unless it is with someone I enjoy being around. The moment we start to view it as a relationship though I have an amazing talent for fucking things up.

I have a wonderful, caring, perfectly sane family of my dad, mom, step mom, 2 little sisters (21, 7), and 2 little brothers (5, 1 1/2). I’m involved in their life, fantastic with kids too I will mention, and can’t wait to have some of my own. I grew up not necessarily spoiled but not rich either. I’m your typical middle class child who moved around a ton as a kid and developed a pretty significant lack of confidence from constantly trying to make new friends.

And yeah…I don’t know what else to write plus I need a hour of sleep. So I will try and remember to post again later, maybe make the page formatting a little more presentable. Off to work I go though…Go military!

-SDCALS